Some days
12 Jan 2009 Leave a Comment
in Miscarriage
Some days I’m just tired. Not physically tired but mentally and emotionally. To day is just one of those days. I wonder if I’ll make it through all of this. I hate being in limbo. It’s to much for my poor personality to take. I’m so type A it’s not even funny. I have a bad habit of micro managing things. It’s probably why I was so good at being a medical secretary. I had to micro manage. I don’t want people to feel like they have to tip toe around me because of my miscarriage. I know what they may say might hurt, but I don’t want them to feel like they can’t tell me thing because of it.
Yesterday a friend’s mom came up to my Dad to show off pictures of her new grandbaby. She didn’t see me there and so she just started going on. Well, then she caught a glimpse of me and just got quiet. I felt bad for her. I mean I knew her daughter was due and she is a good friend of mine. Her mom profusely apologized to my mom. She said that she would never do something that would intentionally hurt me. I know that. Just because I can’t have children doesn’t mean that every one else can’t. How on earth can I expect that my friends won’t.
Yes, my heart still hurts and still breaks. It probably will for a long time. Honestly forever. I don’t think I could ever forget my little one in Heaven. Goodness, I wouldn’t even want to.
