Sickness
18 Mar 2009 Leave a Comment
We’ve been dealing with a lot of sickness in our little household. I had a nasty head cold that lasted a whole week. Luckily it stayed out of my chest which is a miracle for me. Then DH has come down with something. His is a lot worse than mine was. I would go out on a limb to say he is getting over the flu. I threaten him every year to make him get his flu shot and then never follow through. Then he always catches the flu. Meanwhile because of my asthma I get my shot every year and breeze through flu season without trouble.
On the IF front I’ve been charting again (yuck 
)I hate doing all of this again. It just makes me a not fun person not to mention a bit obsessed. This time however, I’m mainly doing it to see what is going on in the body. I showed an O last month but so far not. Ugh, I hate PCOS. It’s just down right annoying. Then again I’m only on CD 16 and I average a 35 – 38 day cycle. So it’s not like I might not, just not yet. I’m trying to keep my wits about me this time around though. At the same time, I can’t help but hope. I mean I got pg once so that has to count for something right?
My friend that had to go back to Iraq is back. His tour ended at the beginning of this month. It’s nice knowing he made it back safe and sound. Well, that is about all that is going on with me so I’m outta here.
Planning.
11 Mar 2009 Leave a Comment
I’ve always been a planner almost to a fault. I suppose I’d be deemed a Type A personality. Okay, so I know I’m a Type A personality. I’ve lived by a calender since I was in middle school. I planned my whole wedding by myself. I planned my family (well, we know how well that turned out ;-p). Now I’m planning something new. I should say my DH and I are planning something new. We are going to plant a garden. I think it’s probably a pretty good idea given our current economic situation. The only problem we are having is where to put it. Our property isn’t the most level thing. Actually we live on a hill out in the middle of no-where. If we put it inside our fence we’ll have to put up something around it to keep our dogs out of it. If we put it outside our fence, we will feed every deer from here to Dayton.
Once we figure that out, I need to decide what I want to put in it. I’m thinking along the lines green leaf and red leaf lettuce, radishes, carrots, onions, tomatos, and green beans. Maybe broccoli. I don’t really know. I need to sit down and really think about it and decide what I want to plant, and to figure out what will grow good in this particular area.
Bad blogger
25 Feb 2009 Leave a Comment
in Adoption, Miscarriage, Musings
I’m awful I know. I’ve been terribly busy these last couple of weeks and I apologize. So here is a quick update on my life.
- Saw my doctor and got my blood work. She was under the misconception that we were ready to go all gung ho to try and get pregnant again. Um, nope sorry ain’t going back down that road again. I was in a really good place before we achieved pregnancy and would like to get back into that place. Going back down the “I gotta get pregnant” road is not going to put me in that place. It will do the exact opposite actually. She did check my levels. My testosterone was normal. Yippee!! My PCOS is most likely getting better. My progesterone level still stinks beyond measure. On CD 17 it was .5. Yep that’s it. So back on the progesterone supplements. Oh well.
- My SIL and her husband have seperated so we’ve been working on moving her stuff to her new place. Tha’t all I’m gonna say about that. LOL.
- We celebrated our 11th anniversary on Valentines Day. Yes we were married on Valentine’s Day. No it honestly wasn’t intentional. Just kinda happened that way. No we did’t go anywhere. It cost us an arm and a leg to go out of town due to the dogs. So see, being childless doesn’t mean that we get to go all hog wild and do whatever we want.
DH took off the Friday before our anniversary and the Monday after. We got up Friday and went to breakfast and then to do a few normal errands and to buy our anniversary gift to one another. We bought a Wii. LOL. He took me to my favorite Japanese hibachi style steak house for dinner that night. On our actual anniversary he grilled the most yummiest (is that even a word) filet mignon steaks. Sunday we played hooky from church and went to breakfast and then played with our new toy all day. Monday we just kinda hung out at the house for him to have a nice break.
On the Wii front we also got the Wii Fit. Oh my goodness that thing is so much fun. I’ve been using it everyday. Being active is good for my PCOS.
We still haven’t picked up with adoption again. It probably will be a few months before we do. We just aren’t ready to start back down that road yet. It’s stressful in itself and we are still grieving our loss. Each day and week get’s better though.
Going to the doctor
05 Feb 2009 Leave a Comment
Tomorrow I have an appointment with my OB/GYN. We have been having a little failure to communicate. After our miscarriage I wanted to have some blood work done to check and see if my PCOS was reversing. If my PCOS is getting better, it’s a good thing all around. Not just to achieve and maintain pregnancy, but for my all over health. Well, she said that we couldn’t do it until I was around 8 weeks post because the hormones would still be off. So I started AF (all by myself may I add sorry if TMI) and at 8 weeks would have been the perfect time in my cycle to check my estrogen and testerone levels. I called to make the appointment to get it done. That didn’t happen. In fact, the exact opposite thing happened. So I’m going in tomorrow to discuss with her everything that her nurse told me and tell her exactly what I want. I’m afraid that she has this idea that since I became pregnant once that I plan on jumping on the “I must get pregnant” bandwagon again.
I don’t. I didn’t like where I was at that place of my life and I refuse to go down that road again. I just want to make sure that she is well aware of what I want and what I don’t want to happen. So hopefully all will be straightened out tomorrow. I hope anyways.
Very cool phone call last night.
27 Jan 2009 1 Comment
in Adoption
Before we found out we were pregnant we were right smack in the middle of the adoption process. Well, adoption isn’t cheap. In fact it’s very expensive. We were looking at a total of around $16,000 by the time the adoption would be finalized. Well, there is a tax credit to help with the cost of adoption. Right now it’s around $11,000. No I wouldn’t get back $11,000 in one year. It lowers your tax liability. Well, it is part of the Bush tax cuts that are set to sunset in 2010. If you’ve never been in this boat you have no idea how important this credit is to families trying to adopt. Clinton enacted it first for $5000 temporarily. The Bush tax cuts made the $5000 permanent and added to it. Well the part that was added is what is going to go away. A Congressman from South Carolina has started a bill to make the current amount permanent. It’s called HR 213. I wrote my local Congressman regarding supporting the bill. I told him our infertility and adoption story. Well, his office from DC called me last night. They told me that my letter touched him deeply and he has decided to co-sponsor the bill. I am so excited. Now I know the bill has a long way to go. It’s still in committees, but the more support it gains the more of a chance it has of happening. This just goes to show you that writing your representatives in Washington can do something.
Trying to back into a routine.
16 Jan 2009 1 Comment
in Homekeeping, Infertility, Miscarriage
I’m amazed at how easy it is to fall out of a routine. Then it’s so hard to get back on one. After we found out I was pregnant my DH didn’t want me to do anything around the house. One I didn’t feel like it. Nothing like morning sickness and fatigue. Two, I think he was afraid of losing the baby. So for probably a month I wasn’t allowed to life a finger. I have such a good hubby. Then we lost the baby and I didn’t feel like doing anything. I did what was necessary, but that was about it. We were in survival mode. I didn’t even really “cook”. I heated up food for us to eat. Now that time has passed I’m finally feeling up to getting around and doing things, but now I just have problems getting myself organized.
I did give my kitchen a good cleaning. It was shameful how it looked. Yesterday I worked on the living room some. I still have a few things I need to do in it, but today isn’t a good day. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad day, but not a good one either. I’m just in a blah kinda mood. So I’m hoping by Monday, I’ll have my gumption back to being a keeper of my home, not a survivor of my home.
On the PCOS front, I lost a pound this week. Yay for me. I’m trying to eat much better which I think has in turn helped my moods some. I know that it won’t erase the grief, but none the less I am doing much better.
Some days
12 Jan 2009 Leave a Comment
in Miscarriage
Some days I’m just tired. Not physically tired but mentally and emotionally. To day is just one of those days. I wonder if I’ll make it through all of this. I hate being in limbo. It’s to much for my poor personality to take. I’m so type A it’s not even funny. I have a bad habit of micro managing things. It’s probably why I was so good at being a medical secretary. I had to micro manage. I don’t want people to feel like they have to tip toe around me because of my miscarriage. I know what they may say might hurt, but I don’t want them to feel like they can’t tell me thing because of it.
Yesterday a friend’s mom came up to my Dad to show off pictures of her new grandbaby. She didn’t see me there and so she just started going on. Well, then she caught a glimpse of me and just got quiet. I felt bad for her. I mean I knew her daughter was due and she is a good friend of mine. Her mom profusely apologized to my mom. She said that she would never do something that would intentionally hurt me. I know that. Just because I can’t have children doesn’t mean that every one else can’t. How on earth can I expect that my friends won’t.
Yes, my heart still hurts and still breaks. It probably will for a long time. Honestly forever. I don’t think I could ever forget my little one in Heaven. Goodness, I wouldn’t even want to.
This week
08 Jan 2009 2 Comments
Well, I’ve survived another week. This one has been a little tough because I would have entered into my second trimester this week. It’s strange to know this in my head and heart, but to know that my baby is in Heaven. Other than the virus I’ve been dealing with this week hasn’t been too terribly bad. I will be glad to get over this cough. I went to the doctor today for my Xolair shots and they said the cough is the last thing to go and it could take a couple of weeks for it to completely clear up. Oh happy joy joy (note major sarcasm).
Now off to my real reason to write today and that is to vent. I HATE PCOS!!! It’s a horrid disease. I’m constantly fighting off major sugar cravings which is telling me that my insulin levels are off again. Most likely from the hormone changes from the pregnancy. I’m trying to eat as good as I can, but I know I can do better. I need to make an appointment with Pam, my nutritionist. I need her back up on this one. I also know that some of my cravings are because my body is crying out for comfort. The hormones/insulin fight is really getting old. I’ve gained a couple of pounds back which I’m not very happy about. Tomorrow, DH and I are going to the store and getting foods that I know are good and getting rid of any temptation that we have built up over the Christmas holiday. I have got to get my act back together.
Every day that passes I get more nervous. If my insulin levels are off it could mean that my hormones are too. My doctor told me not to expect AF till about 6 weeks after my D&C. Well, this week is week 4. For the first time in years I think I’ll actually be glad to see that hag show up. Although it will be depressing too. I mean, I’m supposed to be pregnant. If she actually shows up, then I’ll know where my hormones stand. Ugh, I hate PCOS.
A virus
05 Jan 2009 Leave a Comment
in Musings
There is a respiratory virus floating around here. I’ve got it and it’s miserable. The bad thing it’s even spreading around my asthma doctor’s staff. Of course there isn’t anything that can be done, but to treat the symptoms. The good news is that my asthma is actually staying under control. Tha’s a miracle in itself. Anytime I get any kind of respiratory virus my asthma just has to join the party. I’m actually getting a little bit better. The worse thing is that I cough my fool head off. We didn’t go back to church last night since I can’t keep this cough under control. I’ve tried everything in the book shy of a hot toddy to stop it. Nothing works. Hmmm, maybe I should give the hot toddy a try. Umm, nope, that stuff is just nasty.
A New Year…well, sort of…
01 Jan 2009 Leave a Comment
in Musings
It’s 2009. Another new year with all the anticipation, but is it really any different than last year? Everyone is making resolutions and they always seem to be the same ones as last year. LOL. Me? I make the same one every year. I resolve to make no new year resolutions. Don’t get me wrong, I do make plans and set some goals, but no resolutions. Here are a few goals for this year:
- Read through the entire Bible this year.
- Read the complete works of Jane Austin.
- Finish this silly cross stitch project I’ve been working on for 2 years. LOL
- Learn to knit
- Learn to sew better (I know how, but I’m just not real good at it I need practice)
- Bake my own bread
- Read through this stack of books in my living room.
I’m already losing weight so that is a no brainer. I would like to get better with my exercise. I do some but probably not as much as I need to. One thing that I would like to do this year is avoid foods with high fructose corn syrup in it. It’s not good for my PCOS or my body for that matter.
Speaking of PCOS in a few weeks I’m going in for a ton of blood work to see how my hormones are doing. My doctor wants to see if it’s reversing since I was able to get pregnant. It will be a good indicator if we get pregnant again how likely I would be to stay that way. I’m also supposed to start charting again. Blech. I have no desire to get all caught up in the must get pregnant thing. But, for medical purposes I’ll do it. Honestly I would like to know what is going on with my body. It would be nice if my body was becoming “normal”.
Happy New Year!! Welcome 2009! Make it count for Jesus because everything else doesn’t matter!
